Home is Whenever I'm with You.

Yesterday was miserable. Cold rain. All day. After coming home from Megan S.'s house did nothing. Posted a blog. Toliver and Stacey came to show the apartment. Made myself scarce for a while. Sat around longer. Went stir crazy after a few hours and decided to leave. Paced the streets of West Philadelphia for 2 hours. Got drenched. I don't know why. I couldn't stop walking. I started and kept thinking about ducking into a cafe or bar or something. Couldn't do it. Thought about Kate. How I think she's slipping away. For a minute I thought it was inevitable that she was going to come back to me. Now I feel like she's slowly closing the chapter in her life that is Me.

Tried seeing if anyone would get food with me. No one would. Abdullah said he would, but he was all the way in S. Philly with a friend. Finally Megan S. got back to me. Ate Indian food. Was nervous. She is disarmingly beautiful, but I am not really affected by that anymore. It was more me just not knowing what to communicate about. Easy when I'm at work. Sorta scripted. I have a specific agenda. People are paying me to talk about certain stuff. No confusion there. Not on a date. Shouldn't spend so much time cooped up in my head. Makes it difficult to interact with people. Finally started talking about the Renaissance and Humanism and how the Florentine Renaissance differed from the Roman one, or the one in Northern Europe. Sounded cultured and intelligent. Good fallback plan.

Afterwards we went to fiume. For blues night. Shakey Lyman. Always fun. To a degree. Never particularly cared for Shakey's style of the blues. Or his voice. But he tells funny stories. Was more of a Jim Trainer fan. Those were the days. When Blues Night was Blues Night. An institution. And we'd all be there till 2am singing together drinking cheap beer and smoking cigarettes and just generally disturbing the Ethiopians downstairs. That's where some of my most meaningful friendships in Philly were formed. There and smoking cigarettes at 18th and Walnut. Outside of my old work. With my work buddies. Like Gint. And Ian. And Muff. We four were something out of this world when put together. Used to actually look forward to going to work when I knew it'd be with any of them, and on the rare occasions when it was all four of us, it was amazing.

Those times are all gone. Oh well. Pity.

Megan S. is another category of woman. If I have any hidden talent, it would be my ability to read people. I understand people at a glance. What they want, what they think, how they feel. Never had confidence before. But now it's my job to read people. Two minutes with a stranger when I'm on the job and I can have them in love with me. Treating me like family. That's my job. I'm a surrogate family member. My job is to show people around Rome. Lawyers and Doctors. And their families. I interact with so many strangers a year. I meet more people in a week than most people do all year round. They take me out and buy me dinner or drinks. Whatever. So I have honed this ability. I understand Megan pretty well. Too intimidating for the types of guys that could appreciate her. Too uninterested in the guys that have the confidence to pursue her. Imagine most of them are pretty self-absorbed. I dunno. Sitting there with her eating dinner and talking I felt whatever attraction was there was slipping away. I wasn't in top form. I was in bottom form. Until I talked about the Renaissance. Walked around in the rain for two hours beforehand depressed, thinking about Kate. Then tried to go on a date?

It was nice being in fiume for once with easily the most beautiful girl in the room. Most of the time I'm the lonely drunk in the corner trying to make eye contact with whoever. I've hit on two separate girlfriends of Kevin's before, and one of Brendan's. Those are the bartenders. So even though I knew nothing was really gonna happen between me and Megan, and even though I wasn't really that worried that nothing would, I made it clear who was buying her drinks (she bought me dinner). Although there was plenty of fresh meat there since my year of absence. And several girls in my league. One of whom looked at me and held my gaze for an uncomfortable amount of time. Never said hey.

Going downtown with Megan B. in a minute. Then we're going to Bartram's Garden. Where Toliver and Stacey are getting married. I wonder if I'm going to have to stop calling her "Toliver" when she gets married. Will I ever be able to do that? Why do all of my friends have the same names?

Walked Megan home afterwards. She gave me a friendly hug at the door. Asked if we were still on for bowling. She seemed on the fence about it. If she wanted to hook up ever, that would be more than fine with me, but if she doesn't, I still had a good time with her. She's an interesting conversationalist. So I wanted it to be clear that I just want someone to do something with. I think she'll come out. And I think we'll probably end up making out at some point. Don't really care though.

Went to Dahlak afterwards. Drank a few beers alone. Checked my email on my phone. Kate had tried to chat with me. Sent her a text asking how NY was. She never got back to me. Oh well.

Must shower and make a hasty departure. Megan B. is waiting for me.

I promise these posts will get funnier one day. Today is beautiful and I'm actually in a good mood. So I put less thought into this one. Not that I'm really putting a whole lot of thought into these, just with the others I put a little thought into them. This one is just me trying to maintain the habit.

Fare ye well.

-southern